Now, I am a grown woman. Not old old, but old enough to have kids in school, dishes in the sink and only 1 good pair of shoes. To me, this is middle age. So why is it i have the memory span of an 80 year old? It used to be funny, ha ha i forgot the doctor's name, oops.. almost forgot the diaper bag, you get the picture. Why is it now more like... what are the kids names again? We only have 2... are you sure? The simple question of their ages can brings me to a dead pan stare for a good 10 seconds too long.
i swore i would never turn into my mother. i do sit ups to avoid the belly bulge (still not working) i won't match my shoes to my purse (unless it is a really cute purse) and lipstick will not cross my lips unless it has a flavor involved. To me, THESE things signify my mother. Who knew her lack of memory would hit me out of nowhere? i do the sudoku, i try crosswords, this is not supposed to be happening yet, and selectively too. I can tell you where my last run was, what route, how long it took and what clothes i was wearing but, ask me the day a field trip form is due and i channel my mother. Does this mean something?... Do i love running more than my kids? They ask me who i love best, maybe they weren't giving me enough options, throw in some alone running time and you may have a hands down winner...
That is where i am not my mother. In my perfect 37 year old mind she never yelled, always loved and smiled at us, never tried to, literally, run away from home. She baked cookies and patiently played bored games, she read us books and laughed at all of our jokes. She had the patience of a saint. Maybe i should embrace my increasing lack of memory in honor of my mom and not beat myself up next time i call the boys the wrong names (yes, even the dog's name). Hmmm, it is a thought, or maybe i should keep up the sudoku and run with lipstick on tomorrow, yup... i'll try that first.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
grab your shoes...school is in!
Running has taught me to speed up many things in life, a tired friend, a tempo run, heck even healing an injury. But, it has not taught me the art of speeding my kids out the door when school starts again! Oh, the glorious back to school smell of August, glue sticks and crayons? check. My well worn Nike's? Ready to go. All i need is a few willing participants to get to school on time so that i can go for that long awaited run.
i have a dream, a recurring dream, the kids wake up happy, they crawl into my bed to say good morning, they get themselves dressed and politely ask for breakfast (sometimes they make me a latte). They brush their teeth and comb their hair, they get their own backpacks and open the garage door. Our first day of school has begun and it is bliss. They wave and smile and bring apples to their teachers. They tell me to have a good run and they skip into school. Then I wake up.
Reality? Today is the day they decide to sleep in! The little farmers haven't slept past 6 am for 2 months and the one day I need them up, they are all sweet and dreamy in bed. I make my first mistake of the day and let them stay "just 5 more minutes" this 5 minutes will cost me 2 happy kids, 1 packed snack and a mouth full of clean teeth. By the time we get out the door, take the pictures, load up the car, go to the bathroom 1 last time and remember where the hell it is i am going... my run has gotten off on the wrong foot. The kids are upset, my shoes aren't tied and this is just not how i pictured the first day of school.
What I noticed while wiping the tears from the boys faces (that i am sure i caused), is that in front of the camera it was all about the kids in their new clothes and nervous smiles but behind the camera, it was about my long forgotten nike's, running shorts and ipod raring to go. Turn the camera around to all the moms waving goodbye and you will see the same thing. Maybe not running, but flip flops signaling a pedicure, glasses still on because the bed will still be warm, or even a hot cup of coffee in a ceramic mug knowing she can finish it in peace. The first day of school is not reserved for kids.
Maybe my running lesson at the beginning of school should be how to slow things down. I realize one day, they will drive themselves to school, there will be no happy "good mornings" (not even in my dreams) and instead of worrying about the new clothes, i should make sure we slowly enjoy this process. Them getting back into learning at school and me remembering how to learn on the run. Really, what's 5 more minutes in the grand scheme of things? I'm sure my neglected summer thighs won't mind me taking it down a notch on today, this first day of school.
i have a dream, a recurring dream, the kids wake up happy, they crawl into my bed to say good morning, they get themselves dressed and politely ask for breakfast (sometimes they make me a latte). They brush their teeth and comb their hair, they get their own backpacks and open the garage door. Our first day of school has begun and it is bliss. They wave and smile and bring apples to their teachers. They tell me to have a good run and they skip into school. Then I wake up.
Reality? Today is the day they decide to sleep in! The little farmers haven't slept past 6 am for 2 months and the one day I need them up, they are all sweet and dreamy in bed. I make my first mistake of the day and let them stay "just 5 more minutes" this 5 minutes will cost me 2 happy kids, 1 packed snack and a mouth full of clean teeth. By the time we get out the door, take the pictures, load up the car, go to the bathroom 1 last time and remember where the hell it is i am going... my run has gotten off on the wrong foot. The kids are upset, my shoes aren't tied and this is just not how i pictured the first day of school.
What I noticed while wiping the tears from the boys faces (that i am sure i caused), is that in front of the camera it was all about the kids in their new clothes and nervous smiles but behind the camera, it was about my long forgotten nike's, running shorts and ipod raring to go. Turn the camera around to all the moms waving goodbye and you will see the same thing. Maybe not running, but flip flops signaling a pedicure, glasses still on because the bed will still be warm, or even a hot cup of coffee in a ceramic mug knowing she can finish it in peace. The first day of school is not reserved for kids.
Maybe my running lesson at the beginning of school should be how to slow things down. I realize one day, they will drive themselves to school, there will be no happy "good mornings" (not even in my dreams) and instead of worrying about the new clothes, i should make sure we slowly enjoy this process. Them getting back into learning at school and me remembering how to learn on the run. Really, what's 5 more minutes in the grand scheme of things? I'm sure my neglected summer thighs won't mind me taking it down a notch on today, this first day of school.
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