Interesting look at my relationship…. With my 7 year old.

I was thinking the other night, after another round of “I hate you’s”, not eating dinner, following me around the house and general cranky day in the life… that this was not the relationship I had bargained for. Was this normal? Was this going to pass? Was this the “most rewarding experience one could have in life” ? I thought I would check with some experts…

Frequently Sometimes Rarely Never
3 2 1 0




__3___ 1. Does your partner monitor your time and make you account for every minute (when you run errands, visit friends, commute to work, etc.)? (where were you? Why are you late? You ALWAYS go out)
___2__ 2. Does your partner accuse you of having affairs with others or act suspicious that you are? (affairs no… loving his sibling more… yes)
____2_ 3. Is your partner ever rude to your friends? (does interrupting count?)
___3__ 4. Does your partner ever discourage you from starting friendships with others? (that would just take more time away from him right?)
___0__ 5. Do you ever feel isolated and alone, as if there is no one close to confide in?
____3_ 6. Is your partner overly critical of daily things, such as your cooking, clothes, or appearance? (embarrassed is more like it)
___1__ 7. Does your partner demand a strict account of how you spend your money? (if there isn’t enough for him)
____3_ 8. Do your partner’s moods change radically, from very calm to very angry? (don’t they all?
___3__ 9. Is your partner disturbed by your working, or by the thought of you working? (more time away from home?)
___0__ 10. Does your partner become more easily angry if he/she drinks?
___0__ 11. Does your partner pressure you for sex more often than you’d like?
__0___ 12. Does your partner become angry if you don’t want to go along with his/her request for sex?
_0____ 13. Do you quarrel much about having children or raising them?
___0__ 14. Do you quarrel much about financial matters?
___3__ 15. Does your partner strike you with his/her hands or feet? (kicking me in bed, “accidently” hitting me)
___3__ 16. Does your partner ever strike you with an object?(nerf darts?)
____2_ 17. Does your partner ever threaten you with an object or weapon?(toy guns and nerf darts?)
__1___ 18. Has your partner ever threatened to kill either himself/herself or you? (I wish I was never born?, yeah that counts)
____1_ 19. Does your partner ever give you visible injuries (such as welts, bruises, cuts and/or lumps)?
____0_ 20. Have you ever had to treat any injury with first aid from his/her violence?
___1__ 21. Have you ever had to seek professional aid for an injury at a medical clinic, doctor’s office, or hospital emergency room? (I have tripped over numerous toys and bikes to twist an ankle or 2)
___0__ 22. Does your partner ever hurt you sexually or make you have intercourse against your will?
___2__ 23. Is your partner ever violent toward children? (his brother)
___1__ 24. Is your partner ever violent toward people outside of your home or family?
_2____ 25. Does your partner ever throw objects or break things when he/she is angry? (his stuffed animals regularly fly)
__0___ 26. Has your partner ever been in trouble with the police?
___0__ 27. Have you ever called the police or tried to call them because you or a family member were in danger?
___2__ 28. Does your partner put you down in front of others? (I am.. The worst mom ever)
__1___ 29. Does your partner injure your pets intentionally? (does jumping on them in the name of love count?)

Scoring your Answers:
0 – 14 Non-abusive relationship
15 - 36 Moderately Abusive
37 – 93 Seriously Abusive
94 or Above Dangerously Abusive




Now with all seriousness… this is tongue and cheek. My child is not a violent, abusive kid that is growing up to be a serial killer. He is a normal 7 year old with needs, and hormones and boundary pushing tendencies. I do think it is an interesting way to look at the relationship between parent and child though. Who else would put up with this crap? His future wife better thank me!

things proven wrong in 2010

1. I only need 1 pair of mudders for running.
2. The value of a baby tooth will remain stagnant.
3. I am not going grey.
4. I can still get carded at Target.
5. The hills have gotten easier.
6. Night sweats don't bother me.
7. I will not turn into my mother.
8. A tranny can NOT fall in love with an elf ***more on that later.
9. I don't need a strong core.
10. I will NEVER change my mind about my hatred for jeggins.
11. Maybe I'll try a triathlon this year.
12. I will never run out of things to say.
13. If you eat 1,000 calories of dessert all at once it is impossible for them to stick and make you gain weight.
14. If you drink 1,000 calories of alcohol all at once it is impossible for it all to stick and make you gain weight.
15. "That's what she said" is just not funny.

learned today

a few things i have learned today...
sometimes a cold is just a cold
even my dog gets cranky when we don't run
nerf darts hurt when they hit your face
1 truffle in my hand is not worth 2 in the bowl
10 girl push ups = 4 boy push ups
sometimes a run doesn't solve everything...
but most of the time it does :)

Body Worlds

Okay, I took my kids to the Body Worlds' exhibit last week. This is the museum showcase of real, live (okay, not live more like dead), skinless human bodies. It is amazing. Jaw dropping, awe inspiring, can't believe I just saw layers of real muscle pulled away from bone fantastic. I learned more from that 1 exhibit than I did from all of my science classes put together. The kids were excited. They couldn't believe what they were seeing, (I hope I didn't just turn them into psycho killers) and they had a profound respect for it all. I was mom of the year, parent of the decade, thinking outside the box, liberal, forward thinking coolest mother alive. I had found the ticket to teaching my kids about bodies and respect and health... until Eli, in his bellowing 7 year old voice decided he had had enough... "Can't I just see a vagina so we can get out of here?" Sure Eli, right over here, there is a vagina.. "looks like a sea anemone" let's go kids, i need to go for a run.

who holds the power?

My brother, not so eloquently, recently pointed out that I have lost all the power in my life. He came to this conclusion after I tore a few ligaments in my ankle and couldn't run for an extended period of time. Without running, I was at the beck and call of everyone except myself. I did things for the school, I did things for the kids (tie your shoes? for god's sake you are 8!), I cleaned the yard (for the neighbors), and I cleaned the house (definitely not for me). It got me wondering, what does all this mean?

You don't give up your power just by doing things for others right? Is it okay to give up your power? Am I devaluing women as a whole because I do too much for my sons? What the hell is power anyway? According to Websters' it is " The ability or capacity to perform or act effectively" Okay well, I do that, I effectively neglect myself in order to provide for my family. Ugh, This is all so complicated.

I want my boys to recognize women as strong individuals, respecting their differences from men and believing in their value, is that so much to ask? Can I achieve this just by running, going surfing with my girlfriends, and making them clean their own rooms.... I don't know but, i am sure going to try.